I have no idea what I'm doing

I have no idea what I'm doing.

There. I said it. I'm just going to figure this out as I go along.

I opened this blog account FIVE years ago. Five. Years. I wanted to write a blog, I felt like I had so much to talk about, ramble on about, whatever. So I started and set it up, gave it a title and was all excited that I did it and then - nothing. For five years. This is the way I always try to do stuff.  I come up with an idea and then plan it out to the death of the idea. I make sure I have it all figured out before I go forward with said idea.

Well you know what? It's not working for me. Living my life that way has just left me with the inability to actually DO anything. I have choice anxiety, I cannot decide on how I'm going to do it - whatever it is. Then I get overwhelmed with the details, so many details. Some of them important, some of them just distractions. I never really know which. I have this idea and then it just sits there, waiting, until it's a perfect idea with every detail set and marked for it's perfect destination. Of nowhere.

I'm a creative person. I love to just come up with stuff and run with it in my mind. I love the challenge of something I have to create and build and design. I love it when I'm forced to do something that MUST get done and I just figure it out and it works. Maybe it doesn't work right away but I make a few adjustments here and there and then somehow it just all comes together. It's magical, I love it, it makes me feel alive. 

But you can't just go running around doing stuff half assed and unstructured. Or can you? Sometimes? I don't know. Can I speak before I think? Can I act before I plan? Can I live with the implications of what I might do *gasp* wrong? I really really don't know. 

So here I am five years later. I think about this blog thing and wonder if it's still alive somewhere. I find it. I remember what I called it. I remember why I called it what I called it. It's a saying I heard that still inspires me. So now, five years later I'm just going to do it. The vegetables are speaking to me - and I'm going to listen to them. Hopefully, it will become something beautiful - and if not, well then I guess I'll figure it out.